ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
