i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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