It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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