I wish my penis had an off switch
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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