erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
