During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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