just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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