you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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