You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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