I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize