is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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