I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
