dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Church boner. Awkwardddd
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
