hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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