okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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