As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
