Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
