I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
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The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
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You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?