will power is for people who don't want to get laid
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.