Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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