I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes