I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?