I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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