Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
