the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Randomize
