Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
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The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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