Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
