I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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