They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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