I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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