Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
