True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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