I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
