he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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