I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
