I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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