i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
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i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
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Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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