If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
