Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
