So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
