I'm pants shitting drunk right now
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
wow bdsm is so cute
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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