I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
FUCK WHALES
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize