so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
