Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you win again, gameday.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
