i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
