Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
