The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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