it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
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it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
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i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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