I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
