literally had 100 drinks last night.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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