Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
