he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
