We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I love you. Go after that dick
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
