Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
it's like heaven, but drunker
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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