My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
