she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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