My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
