bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
