Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
