CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
