At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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