plz talk dirty to me
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
