Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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