have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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