is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
