they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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