Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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