I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
