i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
