we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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