i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
