thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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