You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
