he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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