it hurts more in the daytime
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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