dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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