I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
