so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
