Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
