Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
