What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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