i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
